Who In The Heck Put Poop In These Coke Cans?


*In what has to be the grossest thing EVER, a discovery was made on a shipment of coca-cola at the Knockmore Hill facility in Lisburn, Ireland that has investigating police stumped. The cans-only shipment originated from a never-before-used supplier in Germany, with the expectation that the normally empty cans would soon be filled with pop.

…only thing is, the cans were NOT empty…they had human waste inside. 

I know. I know. WTF?

Like I said, police are stumped! 

How was it discovered you may ask…By the night shift! Workers peeked inside the cans after the machine they were using became clogged. Needless to say, they were shocked at what had caused the congestion.

A source told the Irish Independent: ?It was absolutely horrible, and the machines had to be turned off for about 15 hours to be cleaned.

?It was unusual because normally the cans come from somewhere else in the UK, but this time they apparently came from Germany.?

Germany! Are you thinking what I’M thinking?

Of course minds are going crazy trying to wrap brains around how something like this was even possible. What did people sit around, poop, and then scoop it in small amounts into the little holes? OK, that’s too much information perhaps, but shit, oops, excuse me, aren’t you curious?

One theory is that the stinky stuff was the only outlet poor immigrants being transported into or out of the country ILLEGALLY had to eliminate. A distressing stretch of the imagination in itself; but definitely worthy of conjecture.

Now the question becomes, where the hell are the people?

?It?s really shocking ? and beyond the shock of finding something pretty disgusting in the cans is the thought there could have been poor people in that situation.

?And if they did make that journey, where are they now?? the source, obviously dumbfounded, wonders.

Of course Coca-cola doesn’t want consumers to freak out, and is calling this an “isolated incident.”

Coca-Cola said: ?The problem was identified immediately through our robust quality procedures and all of the product from the affected production was immediately impounded and will not be sold.

You don’t say. Well that makes us feel a whole lot better.

?This is an isolated incident and does not affect any products currently on sale.?

I don’t know about you, but the weight of the can alone would have made me suspect that something mysterious was inside. I don’t know. All I can say is although I sneak and drink a Sprite periodically, it either comes from a fountain or a clear bottle.

Just sayin’.

Your thoughts? 



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