*Some people think they can just get away with anything, unscathed. Hey, everybody knows I just love animals. But with this story I realize even I have a limit. An Ohio woman called 911 (scroll down to listen) and told them to “Hurry!” because she had a “Boa constrictor stuck to my face!”
No sh*t. That’s what she said.
Now before we go any further I will admit: I was young and stupid once. I actually let someone place a boa constrictor (a friend’s pet) around my neck. His name was “Dylan” — you may have heard this story before, because its not the first time I’ve told it.
Matter of fact, I even baby-sat, er, snake-sat the 8-ft reptile while my friend ran errands. She kept him in one of those big glass cases you see in jewelry shops. Dylan was cool. Accustomed to being around people — this girl was an artist. And he was fast. I had always thought huge snakes were too heavy to be fast, but I was wrong!
Dylan would glide around the perimeter of a room like nobody’s business. OMG and he was sneaky. He’d hide in drawers and shit, I’m told.
Years later, I guess Dylan outgrew being anybody’s pet and ended up biting my friend on the arm.
Like I said: I was young and stupid once. Wouldn’t do that today.
But what’s this old dame’s excuse?
Even the 911 operator had to repeat the statement: “You have a boa constrictor on your face?” in that usual deadpan “what’s YOUR story” voice.
But still, you could hear the disbelief. Continue reading