Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

17-Year-Old Lottery Winner Says the Money ‘Ruined My Life!’ (Now She Wants to Sue!)

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*Aww…Boo Hoo! Its unlikely this teen is going to get anyone to feel sorry for her after winning millions in a UK Lottery and now suffering from life after becoming a millionaire.

Simmer down. Simmer down. I can practically feel your claws and hear your screams of Bitch Puh-leez!!!

But alas, this fair maiden is unhappy and has said she wishes she had never won at all.

Raise your hand if you’d like to relieve her of this burden. THIS we can do. Continue reading

The Lego Batman Movie Cracked Me Up, Delivers Laughs For Kids Of All Ages

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*I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I can take another Trump announcement, pronouncement, or tweet!  Yesterday, I needed a break from the dismal news cycle, so I snuck into a showing of the hysterical new The Lego Batman Movie. Even a die-hard Superman fan like me loved it.

Maybe that’s because the Man of Steel himself has a role in the movie, and provides a fairly significant plot point to the action-packed romp, during which Batman struggles with…

…wait a minute. Am I ACTUALLY writing a review about a film that’s based on Lego building blocks??

Yes, I am. I was drawn into the story from the first few frames.  I howled with laughter during the flick, which has lots of action and humor that will appeal to the little ones, along with many jokes that will go right over their heads while leaving you in stitches.

Will Arnett, who provides the voice of the most vain Caped Crusader we’ve ever seen on screen (“…I get up at 4:30am and pump iron until my pecs are just sick!”), may well be my favorite cinematic Batman. Continue reading

Drive-Thru Services for the Bereaved, Hmm…This Funeral Homes Gives it a Go! (Watch)

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*Not to judge, but I guess you can justify just about anything. Who knew one day there would be computers? Cellphones? Drive-thru funeral services?

***Insert sound of screeching car brakes here***

Yes. You read that correctly. Please know that I am attempting to present this to you using my game face (though something inside of me wants to bust out laughing). My apologies in advance for any offense that may cause somebody. But a funeral home in Memphis is giving this new concept a go.

And who am I to think that’s funny?

The R. Bernard Funeral Home is housed in a building that was formerly a bank, and for some ungodly reason, they feel they absolutely must use the drive-thru window. For what for, you ask?

Ah! Here’s something: As a way for people to view their recently departed…without getting out of the car.

There you go! Continue reading

Burger King Offers ‘Adult Toy’ in Valentine’s Day Meal Box (Watch)

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*Happy Valentine’s Day lovers. Let’s get this day started right! Since VD fell on a weekday this year, I hope you and your significant other enjoyed an incredibly romantic weekend. So what’s in store for you guys tonight? Maybe a little flick called ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ or maybe just dinner. Are you in the mood for fast food? If your answer is affirmative Burger King has a little surprise for you. It’s called the Adults Only Meal.

And it looks like more than fries comes with that shake. Continue reading

Introducing an Orange Alligator: the “Trumpagator!”

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*I still remember the “horse of a different color” scene in the 1939 Hollywood remake of The Wizard of Oz. 

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Remember it?  That horse changed into several bright colors during that segment, and has prompted smiles for generations of movie lovers.

Well, THAT was a horse…in a movie.   I wouldn’t have been smiling at the sight of this:  a 4- to 5-foot orange alligator.  He or she — you can’t blame anyone for not wanting to get close enough to discern the beast’s gender! — turned heads earlier this week near a pond just outside of Charleston, South Carolina.  Residents have begun joking that it should be called a “Trumpagator.” Continue reading

Can Uber Ruin a Marriage? This Man Says ‘Yes’… He’s Headed to Divorce Court

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*I can kind of see that. A marriage hitting the rocks because of Uber. But not for the reasons this man is claiming, and further, actually suing the company over. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on THAT courtroom wall. His lawsuit claims that since the app “lingers” … as in — doesn’t shut off after he is done driving — his wife peeped his pick up and drop off points and accused him of cheating.

Huh?

I don’t know dude. Sounds like your marriage may have been on shaky ground to begin with. But who am I?

I do, however, want to explain my why. I speak from experience. Driving Uber can be very addictive. You almost feel guilty when you’re not driving. And when you DO go to visit people; say, on a “day off” (if you can muster up a justification to take one) you are secretly thinking, “I’m wasting time! I could be out making money!”

I know. It’s terrible. I’m not even gonna front.

But back to Mr. “Soon-to-be-single.” According to local UK media, he’s suing Uber for $45 million dollars. Continue reading

Wish You Were ‘This Doggie’ Right Now? You’re Gonna Love This! (Watch)

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*Let’s start your week off with a feel-good video. Aww, c’mon, I know you’ve probably just finished lunch and have to go back to the office, but don’t hate, congratulate! This is one very happy doggie.

Actually, on your next break, take a look at the video and play a little game with me called, “I wonder what this doggie would say if he could talk?”

I’ll start. Continue reading

1950s TV Western Features Con Man Named Trump Who Wanted To Build A Wall

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*They say life imitates art.  Sometimes, it’s the other way around.

A western drama TV series called “Trackdown,” ran from 1957 to 1959.  One of the series’ episodes, entitled “End of the World,” featured a con man named Walter Trump who told everyone that he could prevent the world from ending by…

wait for it…

building a wall.

For real.  

While OUR Trump wants to keep all of the raping, murdering Mexicans out of the country, the fictional Walter Trump’s wall was envisioned as the ultimate protector from a “cosmic explosion.”

Hilariously, the similarities don’t end there.   OUR Trump and THAT Trump had similar speaking patterns.  Check out this snippet of dialogue from the 1958 episode, and see if you agree: Continue reading