Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

Want to Reserve a Spot at London’s First Nude Restaurant?

A rendering of the entrance to the Bunyadi’s bar area, where fully clothed patrons can choose to change into a robe before dining inside the clothing-optional restaurant. (Courtesy of the Bunyadi)
A rendering of the entrance to the Bunyadi’s bar area, where fully clothed patrons can choose to change into a robe before dining inside the clothing-optional restaurant. (Courtesy of the Bunyadi)

*If you want to reserve a spot at London’s first nude restaurant, there’s a waiting list. A long one. Like 16,000 names long. That’s a whole lot of nekked (sic) people waiting to eat. Hmm…Wonder what it smells like in the kitchen. Maybe we can ask Seb Lyall, the restauranteur who has gained notoreity for his past innovative concepts in eateries. But be warned, his views may be a bit skewed seeing as he eats his meals bottomless.

As in without wearing anything from the waist down.

Now he has opened Bunyadi, a “clothing optional” restaurant in London with a June targeted opening date.

“It’s liberating,” he told The Washington Post about the freedom one feels without the henderance of material on the body. “It’s fun and sometimes the neighbors watch — fine, whatever.

Spoken like a true fan of voyeurism, Mr. Lyall.

“It’s my home and my space, and that’s kind of the space we’re trying to create in the restaurant — our own little space. It will be fascinating what the response is.”

Aside from the 16,000 on the waiting list? I’d say that speaks loud and clear, sir.

But Lyall expects those numbers to soar even higher. Continue reading

Starbucks Customer Gets ‘Diabetes Here I Come’ Message on Cup ‘O Mocha

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*Man. These restaurant barristers are getting more and more brazen. Articles in recent news have shown them not only leaving handwritten racial slurs on the receipt of customers, but they have been overheard calling black females in particular out of their name. And I don’t think it would be too far-fetched to reason that if the owners of these outlets addressed this issue with any seriousness, and hold these employees accountable, this behavior would more than likely become a thing of the past. So, with that said, this recent message isn’t a racial slur…it addresses a serious health issue, in a mean-spirited way I might add.

According to Action Jax News, the customer said the words on the cup – DIABETES HERE I COME – brought back some painful memories:

“That first word just automatically brought the picture of both sisters in my head, and I was taken aback.” 

The customer works near the Starbucks where this happened and told the media that a fellow employee went to pick up coffee for their staff.  However his cup had more than the name of the drink on it, and it hit close to home because he has two sisters who suffer from type 1 diabetes.

“Just the struggles they went through and all the doctor appointments they had,” said the customer. Continue reading

State Dept. Gets in Deep Doo-Doo for Tweet Warning ‘Ugly People’ Who Travel

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*Hey, I’m good, but I can’t make this stuff up. And the State Department that had the audacity to tweet a message to potential travelers has back-tracked — post haste — after upsetting many in the viral universe. In short, the U.S. Department of the State’s Bureau of Consular Affairs warned folks that if you are considered ugly in the U.S. and find yourself being treated like you are “pretty” in another country. You are being duped. Somebody is probably trying to get something from you.

That’s the breakdown. They have since taken it down, but hoped it served as a warning just in time for those students out on Spring Break.

How heartless. How cruel. And to come from the GOVERNMENT of all places!!!

And how much you want to bet it was a pot calling the kettle black situation; with potmark-faced Paul or buck-tooth Betty sitting in the administrative offices collecting a check doing the tweeting?

And what is this “10” based on?

See the original tweet below, and the comments on it that follow. Continue reading

Busted Again! At 14, He Posed as a Chicago Cop…And Now This!

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*At age 14, Vincent Richardson embarrassed the entire Chicago police force when he walked into a south side police station,  wearing a uniform, and had the officers believe the words that were coming out of his mouth: that he was a rookie sent from another station to help.

In turn, they put him to work for six hours by allowing him to ride shotgun on five traffic accidents. He also used the police computer to run license plates and even took the wheel of a police car and assisted in apprehending a suspect.

For that little diddy he got several officers suspended (but only for a few days); and that was after Then-Mayor Richard M. Daley laid into them. Since he was only an EIGHTH GRADER at the time, he got off with serving juvenile detention. That was in 2009.

But dude was so cocky he did this two more times.

In 2013, he was arrested again for impersonating an officer when he attempted to purchase a duty belt and police clothes from a Northwest Side uniform shop.

But this latest arrest, which happened in May 2015 was the result of a traffic stop. According to a police report, Richardson was driving a sports utility vehicle  and while its unclear WHY he was stopped by police, when he was stopped they found him wearing a “police-style” bulletproof vest and a “replica firearm” in his waitband.

And there’s more. Continue reading

44 Year Old Man with a “Bionic Penis” Loses His Virginity with Prostitute…Who Waived Her Fee

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*A 44-year-old man with an eight-inch “bionic penis” lost his virginity recently — with a sex worker. Mohammed Abad lost his first penis almost 40 years ago, at the age of six in a freak accident.

Of the “session” with Charlotte Rose, Abad says “It was great. I’ve been waiting for this day since I was 18,” the security guard from Scotland said. “But now a big burden is off my back.”

Forget your back, Abad. After 44 years, it’s your balls that have been unburdened.

“When Charlotte saw it…” — IT — “…for the first time, she was silent and I was a bit worried,” Abad said. “But then she said: ‘It’s incredible.’ It’s nice to hear a lady say that.”

Charlotte hollered “It’s incredible.”  Hush, HUSH sweet Charlotte!

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You never forget your first “It’s incredible.” “It’s magnificent”, “Jesus!”, and the slow, methodical licking of the lips stick with a brutha, too.

“After it was over,” Abad continued, “I lay there with a big smile on my face.”

It sounds like Rose was smiling, too.

“He lasted for an hour and three quarters,” Charlotte squealed. “I was impressed.”

I wouldn’t mind getting caught up in Charlotte’s web one night.

images Continue reading

Say “Maybe” to Shonda Rhimes’ New Book, Year Of Yes

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*You’re probably familiar with the name Shonda Rhimes. If not, you’re familiar with THESE names: Scandal, Grey’s Anatomy, and How To Get Away With Murder. Those television shows are three of Rhimes’ babies, and thanks to them, she owns network TV’s Thursday nights like they haven’t been owned since the Huxtables were around.

If you’re a Shondaland fan, you’ll like her new book, Year of Yes. It’s basically a trip through the tackling of a few of the writer’s own demons, including (very surprisingly) crippling self-doubt and insecurity. Rhimes says she found herself habitually saying “no” to anything that scared her or was outside of her comfort zone, which included all public speaking engagements.

After receiving challenges of sorts from her sisters — who are hysterically candid with her, according to the book — Rhimes embarked on her “year of yes”, agreeing to agree to every opportunity that came her way.

Year Of Yes is undoubtedly making an impact. Scandal star Kerry Washington recently referred to it as required reading. That’s a bit like Jesus saying the bible is required reading, but it’s significant, nonetheless. And speaking of Jesus, at least one church was inspired to embark upon its own “year of yes” this year, after the pastor read the book. Continue reading

An Open Letter To The Publisher of EURweb & All Business Leaders: We Need A Nap

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*Dear Mr. Lee Bailey, Publisher of EUR,

Having just awakened from a glorious 45-minute nap, at 2pm, sir, I felt compelled to share this story with you and all of our readers.

Here’s God’s honest truth, Mr. Bailey:  sleepy workers simply don’t get enough done during the day.

In addition to the stress that a lack of sleep causes well-meaning (and underpaid) workers (like me), their low productivity costs companies a staggering $63 billion a year!

What’s the solution you ask, Mr. Bailey? Well, the consensus is that savvy…no, BRILLIANT business leaders such as yourself could help solve this problem by encouraging your workers to nap during the day.

You heard me, Mr. Bailey: WORKERS NEED A NAP!

(I wish my fifth grade science teacher could have read this before he sent me to the principal’s office that day. I always knew I was ahead of the curve!)

In a new survey of 196 business leaders, 43 percent said they don’t get enough sleep at least four nights a week. Almost half of those said they didn’t think their lack of sleep played a significant role in performance.

Current research suggests otherwise:  years of sleep deprivation can impair memory, decision-making, creativity and social interactions.

I KNOW you don’t want any of THAT nonsense in OUR office, Mr. Bailey!  I also know you’re wondering why companies aren’t doing a better job of encouraging workers to sleep. 83 percent of those business leaders surveyed said their companies simply didn’t try hard enough to promote the importance of sleep, and 36 percent said their companies didn’t encourage them to prioritize a night of quality shut-eye.

So, Mr. Bailey, I know you; you’re thinking “Cut to the chase, Coleman! What can businesses do to fix this problem? Quit bitching, Mike! Give me an action plan!” Continue reading

Oh La-la! Yanet Garcia, Where’d You Get That ‘New Big Butt?’

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*Yes, I know what you’re going to say: sistas been toting big asses for years and for the life of me I can’t recall one instance when it was considered “noteworthy” in a positive way.

But we digress.

Now, many are accusing a beautiful young Mexican weatherwoman of having plastic surgery on her derriere. I guess they’re confused at the growth from one month to the next.

Nevertheless, she’s got news for them…

Get your ass in the gym and you too, can look like me!

Her name is Yanet Garcia, and she also does double-duty as a model. Garcia has been with the station for a year, but the weatherwoman for TV’s Televisa Monterrey causes constant online flurries with her fashion choices…

Short, skin-tight dresses that show off her booyah-bangin’ body. Continue reading