Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

Oh God: Johnny Depp Plays ‘The Donald’ in Funny or Die Video (Look!)

Depp as Trump
Donald Trump (L) and Johnny Depp as Trump (R)…I’d say the makeup department NAILED IT!

 

*With all the memes, one-liners and bad hair days surrounding republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, comedic site “Funny or Die” must’ve figured they’d put their mark on it and go all out with a 50-minute video mockumentary on the man — aptly titled, “Donald Trump’s The Art of the Deal.”

And to add a little umph to it, they couldn’t choose just any old actor to pin the role, they had to go and choose one of the greatest actors of all time (and one of my personal favorites).

Johnny Depp.

Depp has done few to no roles that he hasn’t completely nailed. And from the little bit I’ve seen so far, that record still stands.

This is one secret they kept well! Hollywood was obviously busy with something else — maybe #oscarssowhite — because we had no clue this was in the works until USAToday put it out there.

The surprise release of this video comes the morning after Trump’s New Hampshire win. Continue reading

Banned Commercial Shows A Man Will Do ‘Anything’ for a Beer

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*And to think this commercial ALMOST made it to TV.

Let’s just say somebody has no sense of humor.

In this commercial for Bud Light, when men learn they can get a beer if they donate an article of clothing, all bets are off!

Professionalism be damned! You have a man interviewing another and when he gets up to shake hands, the potential employee notices the interviewer has no pants on.

You have another man getting into an elevation with two women (one an elder) and he is …buck naked!

Must’ve been those darn board members who said, “Scratch it!” Continue reading

Ah Love! Man Creates ‘GoFundMe’ Page for Engagement Ring

engagement ring, go fund me
Ken Mack

*Don’t you dare laugh!

You know its always the person giving you such admonishment who is probably sitting at home, sipping on a cranberry and vodka, typing and LAUGHING!!!

But I digress.

A self-proclaimed ‘former playa’ named Ken Mack says he has met the woman of his dreams. And he has fallen so hard, he wrote a plea on the GoFundMe page he created, hoping anybody with a heart will help a brotha out. And look at him, pictured above. He’s got that “I’m serious this time” swagger.

He wrote…

“I meet a beautiful young lady and I feel if I don’t make her an honest women and wife here quick she may not become whole so I’m asking for help with an ENGAGEMENT RING.”

Yours truly,

Former Playa that’s hanging up his player shoes.”

Well, it sounds more like he believes he’s doing her a favor or something. And what’s with the whole “make her an honest woman” crap?

I must admit, I NEVER understood that one.

What makes a man thing the woman wasn’t honest before she met him? Or that she will be more honest since she has met him? (SMH).

There I go AGAIN…DIGRESSING. Continue reading

Philly’s ‘Punxsutawney Phil’ Predicts Early Spring…Yaay-Men!

Punxsutawney-Phil (1)

*He’s the most valued rodent on planet Earth. And we wait with baited breath for his prediction every February of whether we will continue with a long winter or have an early Spring.

And on Tuesday the famous groundhog named ‘Punxsutawney Phil’, failed to see his shadow; which means he ‘predicts’ we will have an early Spring.

Can the chorus say, “Yaay-Men!?”

“Is this current warm weather more than a trend? Per chance this winter has come to an end? There is no shadow to be cast, an early Spring is my forecast!,” read a rather poetic Jeff Lundy, vice president of the Inner Circle of The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club.

Lundy is one of the top hat-wearing group that announces the forecast every year.

According to German folklure, if the furry little rodent sees his shadow on February 2nd, we can look forward to another six weeks of winter. If not, we can shed those big coats and cumbersome shoes, and get pedicures…er, I mean, wear sandals!

Y’all feel my pain, right?

At the time of this highly anticipated announcement, it was 20-degrees in Philadelphia.

Groundhog wave
“Hello! Breathe easy. I’m on my job!”

Continue reading

Female Photographer Makes Her Living Taking Pictures of What??? (Watch)

Soraya Doolbaz
Soraya Doolbaz

*Talk about taking the title “game-changer” to the next level! We would all like to think we’ve got the next greatest idea, but some of y’all might be asking yourself, “why didn’t I think of this?” Especially if I can charge upwards of $10K for it.

What the hell am I talking about?

Dick pics. Her words. Not Mine. Judge me all you want for not easing you into this. This ain’t church. I ain’t even gonna front.

And neither is Soraya Doolbaz, who obviously has no shame in her game; especially when she heads to the bank to deposit the $10,000 she collects for her limited edition prints.

And did I mention she also gets tips? Continue reading

Six-Year-Old Asks Dad for Advance on Allowance, Look at His Response

Not the real kid.
Not the real kid.

*Now here’s one for the record books. So your kid thinks he can just ask you for an advance on his allowance. He presents his case to the best of his 6-year-old ability. After all, he has seen you put your game-face on numerous times and it looks quite easy. So he comes in for the kill.

Thing is: he has done this before. But THIS time, dad has a great comeback!

As it turns out, little Auren had been asking his dad for a $20 advance on his allowance all day long so that he could buy a new toy. His dad, Mike, had repeatedly told him, “No.”

So apparently, Auren tried another strategy, go and complain to mom.

According to what Mike told The Huffington Post , “I was in my office, and he had clearly been bothering Mom, who gave him the idea to ‘go ask Dad for a loan on your allowance. I knew ‘loan’ wasn’t in his vocabulary up to that point, it was his mom that sent him my way with that idea! So I thought it would be funny to send him back to her with a loan rejection letter in hand. I knew he’d need her to read it to him.”

Ingenious! See the letter below. Continue reading

Nurse Told She Was Powerball Winner, But Later Learned It Was a Prank

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*This is so cold-blooded. Straight up. And to think the prank was pulled off by her own son.

He needs his ass whupped!

Here’s how it all went down. The manager at Park Avenue Health & Wellness Center in Pomona told reporters one of his staff members had just won the Powerball.

And according to David Levy, who is an administrator at the facility, everybody was on high; celebrating like crazy after the woman received a call from her son saying she was the winner.

The son even sent a picture of the alleged winning ticket, Levy said. Pardon the pun, but the “poor woman” went home thinking she was a member of the 1 percent — only to find out her son had pulled a prank on her, the daughter said. Continue reading

Would You Murder Someone for a Cool Billion? 6% in Survey Say ‘Yes!’

 

money

*Oh the things we do for money. According to a survey with 1,000 people by OnePoll.com, who asked folks some outlandish questions in an attempt to see how far they would go to get their hands on a lot of money, well…suffice it to say, you can’t trust no damn body because if it comes between your life and them making a billion dollars…

Bye Felicia.

The NY Daily News reports,

The most startling stat showed that 6% of people — including a whopping 12% of men — said they would be willing to commit murder for $1 billion, while one in ten would be willing to commit arson, treason, armed robbery, mug someone with a weapon or even assist a suicide.

Time out: Maybe if it was someone you didn’t personally know? Jus’ asking.

For $1,000, 15% of people were willing to shoplift or bet on a fixed sporting event. For 13 of the 1,000 respondents, the price is enough to convince them to murder, but fewer were willing to poison a stray animal.One in five are willing to steal a street sign, shoplift or flash a stranger for $10,000, while one in ten are willing to lie under oath, steal a bike or knowingly spend counterfeit cash for the same price.

Time out: People will MURDER, but not poison a stray animal…interesting. I’d probably ‘flash a stranger’…Please don’t judge me too harshly.

For $100,000, 25% of people would swipe a street sign, but it is also enough for one in five to forge a signature or steal from a restaurant or hotel. And for that same amount, one in ten say they would enter into a sham marriage, perform a sexual act on a stranger, evade taxes or snatch a purse.

It’s getting dangerous now. I’d better not be too transparent. You never know, one day the authorities could refer back to this article in an attempt to frame me for something. But some of the above don’t seem ‘SO bad’ does it? Continue reading