Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

Church Apologizes For Banning Fat People


*My late father never cared much for people’s feelings when it came to speaking his truth.

He once told me that, in his opinion, “church folk” only knew how to do two things: eat fried chicken and wait for Jesus to come back.


Dad would have had a field day with this story!

A non-denominational Christian church in suburban Portland, Oregon is apologizing for banning overweight and obese people from its worship team.

“Weight is something that many people have to deal with,” the guidelines read.  “Make sure that you are taking care of your temple, exercising and eating properly.”


The church later apologized, writing on its website “Forgive us if we offended anyone. That certainly was not our intention.  These guidelines have never been used to discriminate against anyone and have never been enforced.”

Why have guidelines if they’re not enforced?  Questions that make you go “hmmmmm.”

And there’s no such thing as a fat man or woman of the cloth, right?


Continue reading

White People Fun: The North American Wife-Carrying Contest

Jessica Keefe, celebrates after her husband, Michael Keefe, of Madbury, N.H., made it through the mud pit during the North American Wife Carrying Championship, Saturday, Oct. 8, 2016, at the Sunday River Ski Resort in Newry, Maine. (AP Photo/Robert F. Bukaty)

*I got married the first time when I was young and strong, and I carried my wife for almost 14 years.

Who knew that if I’d LITERALLY carried her for just under 300 yards, I could have won lots of beer and cash?  

Who knew there were annual wife-carrying contests throughout the world?  The genre’s name is a misnomer, as you don’t actually  have to be married to throw a woman over your shoulders and navigate a few challenging, muddy, watery obstacle courses on your way to the grand prize!

I haven’t managed to find one African American couple who competed this year.  Didn’t really surprise me.  White people can come up with the damndest stuff!  

This year’s North American Wife Carrying Championship took place last week in Newry, Maine.  (Maine.  That’s probably part of why no black folks were around.)

44 couples competed, being tested by an obstacle course that included log hurdles, sand traps, and lots of mud.

Peter Ver Ploeg carries Virginia Petrovek through the mud pit during the North American Wife Carrying Championship, Saturday, Oct. 8, 2016, at the Sunday River Ski Resort in Newry, Maine. The couple, from Portland, Maine, has been married for one year. (AP Photo/Robert F. Bukaty)

That’s another barrier for us.  Sistahs are NOT feeling the mud in the weave.  Nope.   Continue reading

Scategorically The Best Donald Trump Gifts Ever


*I can scategorically tell you that these are the absolute best gifts EVER for the Donald Trump fan in your life!

First, if you’ve got a dog, how about the Donald Trump Dog Poop Bag? Just in, each roll contains 15 bags that fit on a standard clip-on leash dispenser.

According to the site, you can “make picking up poop great again” and “you’ll have a blast making Donald eat dog poo every day of the week!”

But why should your dog have all of the fun?  Ladies, if your pussy twitches in anticipation of Trump grabbing it, your dreams can come true.   Continue reading

Pissed ‘Cause He Didn’t Get the Job, Man Jailed for Mailing Dead Skunks to Guy That Did! (Video)

Travis Tarrants
Travis Tarrants

*Oh god. I’ve been pissed at not getting jobs I wanted so badly in the past, but I NEVER thought of doing anything like this.

Some people!

Travis Tarrants, a 40-year-old man from Indiana, was so mad that he was passed over as the new school basketball coach that he sent dead skunks and a raccoon via the U. S. mail to the guy who won the position.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he spray-painted the man’s car with messages like “you will die” in an attempt to get him to resign as coach and fourth grade teacher at the school in French Lick, Indiana.

Dude, did you seriously believe YOU would be able to step in even if he did.

Apparently he didn’t get that far in his thought process. Continue reading

WT…?!? Mayor of Kenai, Alaska Wants Cats On Leashes…Or Else!


*Admittedly, I don’t know a lot about Alaska. I know it’s cold. I know it’s dark during a lot of the year. And I know it’s been said that you can see Russia from certain houses there.  


But this one takes the frozen cake.

If the mayor of Kenai, Alaska has her way, cats will need to be walked on leashes just like dogs.

Mayor Pat Porter and council member Tim Navarre have proposed a cat leash law, after complaints about roaming felines rose.

The current city code does not include cats on its list of animals that need to be leashed.

I would think not!  

Now, I’m more of a “dog person,” having only lived with one cat in my lifetime. (I don’t believe you “own” animals; you share a home with them.) Salem (he was named after the cat on the 90s TV show  Sabrina, the Teenage Witch) was one smart pussycat — the only one I knew who could fetch.

Yes, fetch a ball. He’d do it over and over. Continue reading

Clinton Wins Monday’s Presidential Debate While Trump Earns a Timeout


*The biggest political nightmare of Hillary Clinton’s lifetime could have occurred last night.  During the first of three scheduled presidential debates, a different Donald Trump could have showed up:  measured, informed, poised, articulate, and ready for the Oval Office.


I joined an estimated 100 million people to view what is projected to have been the most watched presidential debate ever.  And its spectacle rivaled Ringling Bros.

Trump managed to hold it together for about 10 of the 90 minute, uninterrupted broadcast, although he gave viewers a hint of the misogyny he’d bring to the White House.  After referring to Hillary as “Secretary Clinton,” he condescendingly said “Is that OK?  I want you to be happy.  It’s very important to me.”

Trump started by trying to attract voters in states like Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania who are frustrated by the loss of manufacturing jobs.  He sounded almost semi-literate, but he quickly devolved into…Donald Trump. Continue reading

Michelle Obama ‘Hugs George W. Bush’…And Hilarious Photoshop Edits Spring Up on Social Media (Photos)


*Let’s just call this The hug felt around the world. Michelle Obama, who will go down in history as capturing a beauty we haven’t seen in a First Lady since….sound of crickets while I think…since…Ok maybe Jackie Kennedy on a certain level, has got to have the biggest heart. At the opening of the Smithsonian’s National Museum of African American History and Culture, saw former President George W. Bush, and gave him a hug.

The Original
The Original

Can we all just take a sec and say, “Aww…”

But of course such a gesture may have temporarily overshadowed the significance of Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture as Internet avengers rushed to their editing pages to create their own photoshop edits of the gesture; which had been captured by former chief White House photographer David Hume

And you’ve got to admit, some of the photos are humorous indeed. Like the one above showing the face of Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump, replacing the Bush photo.

Others have the “photo editors” creating pictures that re-imagine Bush as a sleeping baby…

Continue reading

House Used as Harry Potter’s Home in Film Series up for Sale


*Attention Harry Potter fans!  You’ll want to move quickly if you want to own a piece of film history.  The house used as the exterior in the original Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone film is for sale!

The current asking price is a cool $616,000 — but that may change soon.

“The original plan was to take this property to market without using any reference to Harry Potter,” real estate agent Paul Bosanko said.  But since news of the property’s connection to the movie got out, interest has increased sharply, “and that may or may not influence the final price that we achieve at this property,” he said.

Translation:  the price is going up quick and in a hurry.  

The three-bedroom house is in Bracknell, a town about 30 miles west of London.  While the home was used in the original movie, a studio set based on the house was built for later installments of the eight-film series.

Real estate agency Chancellors says the house “has recently undergone complete renovation to an extremely high standard.”  But yes — as I know you’re wondering just as much as I am — THE HOUSE STILL HAS A CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS! Continue reading