Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

OMG! Woman Treated at Hospital For Shark Bite…With Shark Still Attached

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*I love my two dogs. Shepherd mix and a pit, rescue mutts. LOVE ‘em. I joked just this morning that I wish inter-species marriage was legal. But this story is taking attachment to an animal to a whole new level.

Paramedics in Boca Raton, Florida rushed a 23-year-old beachgoer to the hospital after she’d been bit on the arm by a two-foot-long nurse shark.

Here’s the kicker: the shark was still attached to her arm! He wouldn’t let go!

“She was sitting calmly, seemed to handle it pretty well,” said Bob Lemons, a spokesperson for the Boca Raton Fire Rescue. But Jaws wouldn’t let go.

Shlomo Jacob was on the beach when the woman came out of the water, with a bloody arm and a shark attached to it. He said the shark “wouldn’t give up.”

“It was barely breathing but it wasn’t letting go of her arm, like it was stuck to her,” Jacob said.

Stuck. Attached. Continue reading

Clown Injures Man, In Front of his Kids, during Circus Performance

Pennywise in the miniseries It was just the beginning...
Pennywise in the miniseries It was just the beginning…

*My husband is terrified of clowns. Phobic, in fact.   His “condition” even has a term: coulrophobia.

I put “condition” in quotation marks because I’ve never really understood it. I LOVE clowns. Always have. I religiously watched Bozo and Oopsy the Clowns on TV growing up in Detroit.  I spent my childhood hoping a clown would show up at one of my birthday parties. Never happened.

ANYWAY, with a husband who screams like a bitch whenever a clown pops up on TV, avoids McDonalds like the plague, and wouldn’t stream the movie It to save his life, I’m always looking for warm and fuzzy clown stories to help him feel better about them.

This ain’t one of those stories.

A father of three, who took two of his girls to the circus for the very first time, says he’s lucky to be alive after a clown’s trick went horribly wrong.

Ben Garnham, 37, from Wales, a self-employed DJ was picked out of the circus crowd by the clown, Ben Coles. Garnham was to be lifted and spun in the air at the touring Circus Zyair.

It is important to note here that Garnham did not sign a disclaimer. Continue reading

Adult-Themed Amusement Park To Open In 2018

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*I’ve often said that, with my kids grown now, I enjoy more adult vacation destinations than the amusement parks I used to take my girls to during Spring Break. No offense to Mickey Mouse, but over the last few years I’ve looked for thrills of a more adult nature.

Mickey is bootylicious.  Who knew???
Mickey is bootylicious. Who knew???

But baby, who could have thought about THIS?

An adult-themed amusement park, dubbed “Erotikaland” is being planned in Brazil, with a projected opening date in 2018. 

Continue reading

70-something Woman Gives Birth To First Child — and is Breastfeeding

70 yr old mom of newborn

*Janet Jackson shocked the world when she recently announced, days before her 50th birthday, that she was expecting her first child. (She steered clear of using the word “pregnant”, and with her penchant for secrecy and media deception, I’m skeptical…but I digress…)

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Whether Miss-Jackson-If-You’re-Nasty is pregnant or not, a woman in India, Dajinder Kaur, has trumped her by giving birth to her son, Aman Singh.

The new, first-time mom puts her age at about 70, but the clinic where she gave birth released a statement that says she’s 72.

What’s a couple of years?  At the sprightly young age of 70-something, Kaur has become a first time mom with her husband of 46 years, 79-year-old Mohinder Singh. Continue reading

Uh-Oh, Another Server Forgets to Delete Nasty Comment on Receipt

PeterChang

*You’d think a restaurant that charges you a mint to eat there, simply because they can, would at least have servers with a modicum of class. But that’s not necessarily the case. Over the past months we have read numerous stories about restaurant servers writing vulgar, racist, downright nasty messages on a customer’s receipt. And it is the customer who ends up seeing the obscene message upon receipt of the check. Now come to find out this latest act came from servers at the high-priced Peter Chang restaurant in Arlington; an authentic Sichuan eatery that was opened by the Chinese embassy chef turned serial restaurateur.

As the four customer’s (all wearing plaid) awaited their food, the server brought out their rice in a family-style bowl (a large bowl that everyone eats from, generally using hands only). This presentation surprised one of the diners, who had lived in Beijing for nearly a decade and he made a comment to the server, saying “‘Oh, you guys don’t serve them in individual rice bowls?

This, as relayed by another diner in the party, who asked to go by his first name, Matt.

The server told the group that when rice is served to three or more diners at Peter Chang, it comes in a large bowl. The person who formerly lived in Beijing thought this was odd, if for nothing else, because the family-sized portion ran counter to the personalized bowls he encountered in China. But the server did a turnabout, and asked the foursome would like individual rice bowls instead.

They declined. Continue reading

Starbucks Sued for Putting Too Much Ice in Iced Drinks

WASHINGTON - JULY 2: Starbucks' new iced coffee and tea beverages are displayed during a promotion July 2, 2003 outside a Starbucks coffee shop at Dupont Circle in Washington, DC. Starbucks introduced a new line of iced tea, coffee and tea lemonade drinks to their customers to cool down in the summer. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

*Starbucks has been sued by a woman who claims that the coffee chain is deceiving customers by putting too much ice in their iced drinks.

I think I’m going to sue McDonalds for putting too much cheese on a cheeseburger.  

Or maybe someone should sue God for putting too much time on this woman’s hands.

Stacy Pincus of Chicago has claimed that by advertising its cold drinks by fluid ounce, the figures are only accurate when ice is added to a drink.

Hence the term “ICED drink,” right? But stay with me.

“Starbuck is advertising the size of its Cold Drink cups on its menu, rather than the amount of fluid a customer will receive when they purchase a Cold Drink — and deceiving its customers in the process,” the lawsuit says.

For example, one of Starbucks Venti cold drinks — for the record, why can’t Starbucks just use Small, Medium, and Large? But that’s a talk for another time — is advertised as having 24 fluid ounces, but 10 of those ounces is ice in an iced drink.

Pincus’ lawsuit seeks over $5 million in damages. Continue reading

2nd Grader Pens ‘Excuse Note’ to School, And They Bought It

excuse note written by child

*Anyone calling themselves an educator, especially at the elementary school level, will shudder at hearing the news that a seven-year-old girl’s ‘excuse’ note, bad penmanship and all, telling school officials she had to go home early today, went unchallenged. In layman’s terms, she was let out of school and sent home. Alone.

Obviously, this has caused all kinds of crazy within both the school and the child’s family, whose dad spoke on camera about his disappointment.

As you can see pictured above, the child’s note read: “I want Rosabella to go too dus (sic) 131 today!”

Yes, the word bus was actually spelled with a “D”. And apparently, no one even as much as blinked.

Continue reading

Fox News & HuffPost Journalists Get into Fist Fight at White House Dinner (Video)

The actual fight. Not a fake.
The actual fight. Not a fake.

*Dang you guys. What you did makes all of us in the biz look kind of bad. To break out into a fight at a White House Correspondence Dinner, based on some old sh*t the two of you needed to settle when it happened in 2009, makes all of us journalists look bad. But let me tell the rest of you what apparently went down.

All I can say is, I’m glad they weren’t Black.

Yeah. I said it!

Of course the venue where such an uncharacteristic incident occurred was not wasted on me, as it seems rather ironic that it happened in the “U.S. Institute of Peace” building in Washington.

Now just envision this, y’all. Everybody is dressed in their finest attire. Being all “siddity” ‘n sh*t. Sipping on the finest champagne (complimentary, of course) and nibbling on “mini servings of chili cheese fries.” OK, forget the “fine champagne” part, they may have actually had a cheaper version (something like Cook’s).

But I digress. Continue reading