Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

Viral Backlash as White Hair Stylist in Minn. Tells Black Client Her Hair is ‘An Animal He Couldn’t Tackle’

Bianca Dawkins

*Whose with me on this: Why in the world would a sista who wears her hair natural even go to a hair salon and try to get her hair done by a white hairstylist? Bianca Dawkins apparently had her reasons for stepping into the white-owned, Minnesota-based, Denny Kemp Salon and Spa, but from what she tells City Pages, and posts on social media, the result of the experience, though not surprising to this writer, was not to her liking.

As is now the norm, Dawkins decided to post her experience on Facebook, noting when she attempted to get her naturally curly hair straightened, a white hair stylist “flipped out. He said he didn’t have the time to do my hair and that my hair was like an animal he couldn’t tackle.”

Uh oh. Continue reading

Man Charged With DUI Had Chastity Belt Attached To His Penis…Under His Skirt

Photo courtesy of Anderson County Sheriff's Office.
Photo courtesy of Anderson County Sheriff’s Office.

*Remember your mother telling you to make sure you have clean underwear on before you leave the house? (Don’t front. I’m not the only one whose mamma had to tell them that!) Well, mom’s advice was good but a tad incomplete.

Let me add to it: make sure you leave your chastity belt at home.

Curtis Scott Eidman, 35, from Tennessee didn’t get that memo. He was stopped during a sobriety checkpoint outside Knoxville while wearing a “white skirt, white leggings with pink stripes and black high heels,” with a ribbon around his goatee, according to reports.

His female passenger —

see?  You went there, didn’t you?  You heard me: FEMALE passenger!  

was described as “visibly intoxicated.” He told officers he’d had four or five shots of liquor, and that he had a pistol in the center console of his car.

Eidman’s doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed, but if he’d have been black, he’d have been shot right there, black hoodie or not.

But wait! Believe it or not, it gets better. Continue reading

For The Ladies? Meet LICKI, a Silicone Brush For Your Pussy (Cat)

Licki-Brush-11

*I always marvel at the inventiveness of the human mind. Just think about all of the incredible inventions we’ve come up with.

The wheel.

And then, employing two of them, the bicycle! Then, with four, the automobile!

The human mind has devised a way to fly!  To send images across the world and display those images on a flat screen that can hang on your wall!

The telephone! The mobile phone! The microwave!

But listen up, my darlings, NOTHING that we’ve invented over the centuries can trump LICKI, a giant silicone tongue you can use to lick your pu**y.

As Missy Elliot said on @JanetJackson’s 2015 album, “kitty cat meow meow meow meow MEOW!”

Janet Jackson with longtime beau Jermaine Dupri

Ladies, don’t get TOO excited. I’m talking “pussy” as in a REAL, FELINE cat. Continue reading

Want a 18-Karat ‘Golden Nugget’…McDonald’s Has a Contest Just For You

McDonald's Japan contest

*Lets face it, in order to get paid any attention in today’s world, you’ve got to do something pretty extraordinary. And I’d say dangling an 18-karat gold nugget from McDonald’s in your face would probably get your attention.

I’ll take that as a yes.

Let me attempt to explain.

As contests go, McDonald’s has designed one that involves a gold nugget, a masked man in a black top hat, yellow suit, and red bow-tie named Kaito Nuggets — aka Phantom Thief Nuggets.

 …and you.

Oh, and how do you feel about international travel? Continue reading

Kangaroo Bounds On Bikers, Breaking Breasts

Port Campbell, Victoria, Australia, Great Ocean Road, Australasia
Port Campbell, Victoria, Australia, Great Ocean Road, Australasia

*I’m on doctor’s orders to engage in more cardio, in my effort to avoid the hypertension-induced premature deaths of many of my family members.  (How’s THAT for a cheery start to your weekend?)

Swimming and biking are my exercises of choice, but I may need to rethink the latter — at least, if I plan to do it in Australia.

Sharon Heinrich and Helen Salter were riding along a scenic trail in Southern Australian when they stopped to look at a beautiful kangaroo.   Before they could grab their iPhones and snap a pic, the marsupial jumped onto Heinrich’s torso and bounced off of it onto Salter’s back, knocking them both off of their bikes.  The beast then bounced away.

“I saw him and thought ‘Oh, isn’t he cute’ — then he was on top of me,” Heinrich said.

Sounds like a typical Saturday night for me. Continue reading

Stripper Spends $120,000 to Look Like Disney Princess…and Fails

The-surgeries

*This chick goes straight into my “Bat Shit Crazy” file.

25-year-old Pixee Fox (and if THAT’s not a stripper name, I don’t know what is), has undergone 15 total surgeries, in her quest to look like Jessica Rabbit or a Disney princess — and she’s not done, yet.

“I’ve always been inspired by cartoons and Disney movies — all the curves and tiny waists,” Fox said.

What Fox seems to have missed is the fact that the “curves and tiny waists” she covets are drawings on a page — NOT REAL PEOPLE.

She HAS managed to achieve a 14 inch waist.  Yes, she had ribs removed — six of them, in fact.  She’s had surgeries on her eyelids, her brow, her butt, her cheeks, her lips, and she’s endured a fat-melting procedure to help her further trim what was left of her original body.

The picture up top shows you what Fox looks like now:  the bastard child of Dolly Parton and Michael Jackson.

Just in case you’re curious, here’s how she looked before the surgeries: Continue reading

OMG! Woman Treated at Hospital For Shark Bite…With Shark Still Attached

bite-1

*I love my two dogs. Shepherd mix and a pit, rescue mutts. LOVE ‘em. I joked just this morning that I wish inter-species marriage was legal. But this story is taking attachment to an animal to a whole new level.

Paramedics in Boca Raton, Florida rushed a 23-year-old beachgoer to the hospital after she’d been bit on the arm by a two-foot-long nurse shark.

Here’s the kicker: the shark was still attached to her arm! He wouldn’t let go!

“She was sitting calmly, seemed to handle it pretty well,” said Bob Lemons, a spokesperson for the Boca Raton Fire Rescue. But Jaws wouldn’t let go.

Shlomo Jacob was on the beach when the woman came out of the water, with a bloody arm and a shark attached to it. He said the shark “wouldn’t give up.”

“It was barely breathing but it wasn’t letting go of her arm, like it was stuck to her,” Jacob said.

Stuck. Attached. Continue reading

Clown Injures Man, In Front of his Kids, during Circus Performance

Pennywise in the miniseries It was just the beginning...
Pennywise in the miniseries It was just the beginning…

*My husband is terrified of clowns. Phobic, in fact.   His “condition” even has a term: coulrophobia.

I put “condition” in quotation marks because I’ve never really understood it. I LOVE clowns. Always have. I religiously watched Bozo and Oopsy the Clowns on TV growing up in Detroit.  I spent my childhood hoping a clown would show up at one of my birthday parties. Never happened.

ANYWAY, with a husband who screams like a bitch whenever a clown pops up on TV, avoids McDonalds like the plague, and wouldn’t stream the movie It to save his life, I’m always looking for warm and fuzzy clown stories to help him feel better about them.

This ain’t one of those stories.

A father of three, who took two of his girls to the circus for the very first time, says he’s lucky to be alive after a clown’s trick went horribly wrong.

Ben Garnham, 37, from Wales, a self-employed DJ was picked out of the circus crowd by the clown, Ben Coles. Garnham was to be lifted and spun in the air at the touring Circus Zyair.

It is important to note here that Garnham did not sign a disclaimer. Continue reading