Category Archives: Jokey Jokes

Where Are All of the Pokemon Negroes?

169

*At one point, I really thought I was the last person on earth who hadn’t heard of Pokemon Go, the allegedly interactive mobile game that’s being played on literally millions of mobile devices as I type. Even with reports of players falling off of cliffs, being robbed, and even killed, it’s caught on like wildfire — kinda this summer’s Candy Crush (a fad I also missed).

About a week after Pokemon Go’s launch, I counted over two dozen people staggering along the river adjacent to my neighborhood, staring at the small screens in each of their hands.

During the same walk, I saw a guy on his hands and knees reaching desperately into a curbside sewer grate. He’d accidentally dropped his iPhone into it while playing Pokemon Go.

At another point during that evening’s junket, another dog walker warned me to be careful, as a group just down the path had spotted a rattlesnake in the adjacent brush. As I cautiously approached the gathering crowd, I wondered why they were all staring at their phones in the midst of a poisonous serpent. Were they trying to get a good picture of the snake?

No. It turned out they had spotted a rattata, one of the much-sought-after characters in Pokemon Go.  The guy who’d warned me had thought they said “rattler.” Continue reading

Another ‘Racist Rant’ Gets White Employee Fired!

 

Thomas_Jefferson_University_Hospital_in_Philadelphia

*Apparently this fool didn’t hear about the Bank of America employee who was fired after she posted her racist rant on Facebook. I swear, this is even further proof that racist people are simply not that smart. OK, I’ll say it: They’re downright dumb. And ignorant. Take Diane Amoratis, an employee…er, former employee, at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Center City, Philadelphia, who NBC reports wrote  that she was “sick and tired of all this bull—- with the black people,” on Facebook.

Hey, people have a right to their opinion. Hell, we all have them, but that does not mean you have to put them on blast. And this fool didn’t stop there. Her hate even intercepted a compliment she was giving the police officers stationed at the protests. Truly, it was as if once she opened her mouth to spew her hate, a bad case of diarrhea set in and she just couldn’t stop. Continue reading

Let The Nude Games (In Phoenix) Begin!

d-angelo-untitled

*I’ve visited Phoenix only once, one July over a decade ago. As my plane from Detroit landed that morning, the pilot announced that the temperature outside was “a relatively comfortable 107 degrees.”

I thought he was joking, until I walked out of the airport and experienced heat so intense it caused birds outside to literally pant like dogs.  Growing up in chilly Michigan, I’d never seen a bird pant before!

5921618346_07257f0763_b

So I KNOW it’s hot in Phoenix, so generally speaking, the less clothing you have on, the better. But our brothers and sisters there have taken things to a new level. Continue reading

Supermarkets: Please ‘Assume’ We Would ‘Like a Bag’ (Unless We Say Different)

Plastic-Bags

*As I walked out of my neighborhood supermarket today carrying three items, a horrifying thought came across my mind. Mama would beat my ass if she saw me leaving this store without a bag. That momentary traumatic memory has become a running theme song in my mind, thanks to the fact that now days, unless you ASK for a bag to place your items in (something I am still not accustomed to, and therefore never remember to ask for), you’ll be walking out carrying toilet paper, liquor, tampons and your milk and cheese in your arms.

1414325272700_Image_galleryImage_FROM_JOHN_JEFFAY_AT_CASCA
SO WHAT? I look like an idiot.

That’s the rule now and I say…Can you just assume I want a bag and charge me the dime? Continue reading

Man ‘Pulls Penis Out’ to Scan on Self-Service Tray (Yes, He’s in Jail)

hqdefault

*Oh how I wish I had video to show you. Even as I type this, I am doubled over in laughter. The thought of some fool taking his junk out and placing it on a self-service checkout stand — you know the kind — in an attempt to scan it, well, its something you’d just have to see. But then again, for some reason or another, the image in my mind is rather clear.

Ugh.

The scene was the Quality Food Center in Seattle. A man is said to have walked in, went up to the self-serve counter where he proceeded to take out his genitals and set it on the scanner.

But this, apparently, was no fun alone. So he called a female staffer over to help. Continue reading

Viral Backlash as White Hair Stylist in Minn. Tells Black Client Her Hair is ‘An Animal He Couldn’t Tackle’

Bianca Dawkins

*Whose with me on this: Why in the world would a sista who wears her hair natural even go to a hair salon and try to get her hair done by a white hairstylist? Bianca Dawkins apparently had her reasons for stepping into the white-owned, Minnesota-based, Denny Kemp Salon and Spa, but from what she tells City Pages, and posts on social media, the result of the experience, though not surprising to this writer, was not to her liking.

As is now the norm, Dawkins decided to post her experience on Facebook, noting when she attempted to get her naturally curly hair straightened, a white hair stylist “flipped out. He said he didn’t have the time to do my hair and that my hair was like an animal he couldn’t tackle.”

Uh oh. Continue reading

Man Charged With DUI Had Chastity Belt Attached To His Penis…Under His Skirt

Photo courtesy of Anderson County Sheriff's Office.
Photo courtesy of Anderson County Sheriff’s Office.

*Remember your mother telling you to make sure you have clean underwear on before you leave the house? (Don’t front. I’m not the only one whose mamma had to tell them that!) Well, mom’s advice was good but a tad incomplete.

Let me add to it: make sure you leave your chastity belt at home.

Curtis Scott Eidman, 35, from Tennessee didn’t get that memo. He was stopped during a sobriety checkpoint outside Knoxville while wearing a “white skirt, white leggings with pink stripes and black high heels,” with a ribbon around his goatee, according to reports.

His female passenger —

see?  You went there, didn’t you?  You heard me: FEMALE passenger!  

was described as “visibly intoxicated.” He told officers he’d had four or five shots of liquor, and that he had a pistol in the center console of his car.

Eidman’s doesn’t sound like the sharpest tool in the shed, but if he’d have been black, he’d have been shot right there, black hoodie or not.

But wait! Believe it or not, it gets better. Continue reading

For The Ladies? Meet LICKI, a Silicone Brush For Your Pussy (Cat)

Licki-Brush-11

*I always marvel at the inventiveness of the human mind. Just think about all of the incredible inventions we’ve come up with.

The wheel.

And then, employing two of them, the bicycle! Then, with four, the automobile!

The human mind has devised a way to fly!  To send images across the world and display those images on a flat screen that can hang on your wall!

The telephone! The mobile phone! The microwave!

But listen up, my darlings, NOTHING that we’ve invented over the centuries can trump LICKI, a giant silicone tongue you can use to lick your pu**y.

As Missy Elliot said on @JanetJackson’s 2015 album, “kitty cat meow meow meow meow MEOW!”

Janet Jackson with longtime beau Jermaine Dupri

Ladies, don’t get TOO excited. I’m talking “pussy” as in a REAL, FELINE cat. Continue reading