Black Man. Botched Circumcision. Transplant. White ‘Johnson’…You Do the Math

DaYUM! Talk about stories from down there! My heart goes out to this man from South Africa. Seventeen years ago he went in for a circumcision and, I don’t know all the details, but he “lost” his penis as a result. Now, at 40-years-old, he has managed to get a penis transplant.

But here’s the thing…and I’m going to need for you to hold onto something…tight.

Ready?

The doctors gave him a white penis.

Let me repeat that for the slow to comprehend.

HE NOW HAS A WHITE PENIS!

Look, I know what some of you may be thinking. A d**k, is a d**k, is a d**k, right?

WRONG!

Just ask a brutha. He wants you to believe those rumors about the hands.

But enough with my potty mouth. Here’s what the team of South African doctors from Stellenbosch University and the Tygerberg Academic Hospital — who refer to this as their “second successful penis transplant” have to say.

Oh, and is it any surprise this brutha doesn’t want his name out there?

In lieu of the um, er, faux pas…

A RELEASE FROM THE DOCTORS STATES…

“A color discrepancy between the recipient and the donor organ will be corrected with medical tattooing between six to eight months after the operation.” 

The man’s surgery that took over nine hours.

“The first time he saw his penis, he was quite emotional and he couldn’t believe that after 17 years he has a penis again,” said Prof. Andre van der Merwe. 

Well, he’s got a point there, I guess.

“He is certainly one of the happiest patients we have seen in our ward,” he said.

All smart-ass remarks aside, they say that Mr. Mysterious (well, that slipped) is expected to regain all urinary and reproductive functions with his new penis within six months of the procedure.

“We expect him to have normal erections that allow him to have normal sexual intercourse,” Van der Merwe said. He is also expected to regain full sensation in his penis.

In December 2014, the same team of doctors performed the world’s first successful penis transplant.

More than two years later, the patient reports that he is doing “extremely well, both physically and mentally,” Van der Merwe said. “He is living a normal life. His urinary and sexual functions have returned to normal, and he has virtually forgotten that he had a transplant.”

Penile mutation resulting from botched circumcisions is more common in South Africa than elsewhere in the world.

Experts estimate that South Africa sees as many as 250 partial and complete amputations every year.

Van der Merwe said there would be more transplants — if only there were more penises.

The reason the procedure is still rare, he said, is because there is a lack of organ donors.

“I think the lack of penis transplants across the world since we performed the first one in 2014, is mostly due to a lack of donors.”

No more words from me. I got nuthin’.

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