*I don’t care how sweet, positive or classy you are, you are one of the “everyone” who at some point wishes they had the perfect line to shut some fool up. Whether its the jerk at the office holiday party; the manager who should never have gotten the job; an ex boyfriend or girlfriend (or a current one!); or that bully that always seems to just show up…haven’t you ever said to yourself, after they hurled some insult your way and days later you heard the perfect comeback
Dang! I WISH I had thought of that then?
Well, I’ve got you covered now. Here are some lines (along with the situations that may prompt them!) to get you started. So go chant, pray, meditate and do whats-N-evah it is that you do NOW, because honey, you WILL need forgiveness later.
This fool has been talking crap for at least 10 minutes and finally you interject:
Good story. But in what chapter do you shut the f**k up?
You’re at the DMV. It’s your turn. You see the worker has an attitude already and you wonder what made him or her so evil this early in the day.
I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one!
You know this trick has been talking about you behind your back.
If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty
Damn. Just damn!
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world
WHO just got elected?
How did this dude get to be a professor?
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Blah.Blah. Blah. You’ve heard this sh*t a million times.
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not for me to point it out?
Shock me. Say something intelligent.
Who lied and told you that you’re fine?
You have the perfect face for radio.
Nah, that’s OK. I forgive you.
You only annoy me when you’re breathing.
All I’ve got to say to that obvious exaggeration is…
Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth