*Oh girl, fix your face. Have you forgotten how to smile? Did you wake up one day, look around, and realize your phone has not rang (not counting telemarketing calls) in more than a month? Come to think of it, no one has stopped by, sent you a text or email to see how you’re doing or invite you out, or even checked in on social media.
Where have all your homies gone…and why did they leave you?
Of course I’ve got some thoughts on the matter. Some are harsh, so please accept my apologies in advance.
Here are 5 reasons (and remedies) that will only work if your ass ain’t too proud to accept them, as to why you find yourself by your damn self more often than you’d like.
1. Your ass is too damn negative and no one wants to be around you anymore!
You’re getting old and grumpy. Life experiences have made you this way. You have no patience. You’re judgmental. And you have no interest in learning new things, because you know everything already. You don’t consider others’ feelings and say whatever comes to your mind — no matter how harsh — just to ‘keep it real’! Oh, and you talk too damn much.
Remedy: Humble yourself and mean it! Realize no one “owes you” anything, and that it’s not only those of a certain hue that can slip up and show their sense of entitlement.
2. You’re a hater and you gossip all the time!
You never have anything nice to say about anybody. It’s always “She did this,” and “Did you hear that?” You see only the negative side of people and issues and you are unyielding, even if your argument or justification has been shown as a weak one.
Remedy: Stop it! Hold your tongue. Resist the urge to spread rumors (you know what that looks like, so don’t say you don’t). Remember what mama used to say, “If you can’t say nothing good about somebody or something, don’t say anything at all. Many people have moved on and learned this. Why haven’t you? #toodamnoldtobesochildish
3. You’re just no fun anymore.
You don’t laugh. Don’t want to go to the places we used to go. And worse, you have no interest in discovering new places or doing new things. You’re always tired. Mad or depressed about something or just not in the mood.
Remedy: Fight it girl. Don’t do it boy! Don’t succumb to the pressures of life. Go down fighting if you must (But wouldn’t it be nice not to “go down” at all?). No matter what, insist on enjoying your life. Be grateful about being here. Make it a habit to list all the things you appreciate about your life (but make it bigger than just you). Get out there (by yourself if you have to) and try new things. Join a club. Meet new people at work. Your place of faith. The gym. Try to get in the habit of smiling for no reason at all. Complimenting someone sincerely. It really works in helping you feel better.
4. You’ve become bitter.
So what? Life didn’t work out the way you thought. At least not yet! But instead of looking at new ways to reinvent yourself, and moving forward with a sense of gratitude, you’ve become bitter. Resentful.
Remedy: And how’s that working out for you? Unless you’re delighted about this result, you’d better change it. And fast! Do you really want to go out like that. Your life ain’t over. Start by creating a positive environment (first with yourself, of course). Look at the good in your life. Go out and volunteer your services someplace (this will get your mind off of you and your problems). Get off social media and stop watching the news for a while because there is a lot of negativity there and you don’t need it. Read positive, life-altering books. You will begin to see things shifting.
5. You’re too proud. Paranoid. And unforgiving.
You feel like you’re the only one going through stuff, and that no one wants to hear about it. Maybe you’re feeling like folks will start talking about you. Spreading your business, if you open up to them. You haven’t ‘let go’ of some stuff, and so you feel others are holding on to the past too.
Remedy: You know we can only change ourselves. Nobody else. I personally feel that my friendship is a gift, and if you betray that gift, that’s on you. I know forgiveness is never easy. But at least be open to ‘when you feel the time is right, don’t fight it.’ As for the other stuff, face it. Your feelings may actually be saying more about YOU than anyone else. We are only familiar with things because of our own association to them. Would YOU be sharing someone else’s business? Is THAT why you feel someone would be sharing yours? Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Bonus: Yo’ ass is crazy as hell!
Uh uh. Girl, you done gone and let yourself get coo-coo. What the hell happened? You used to have good sense. I understand we were out of touch for awhile, but when I saw you recently, I knew we couldn’t hang no mo’. You have gone and got crazy on me. I told you to put that shit down years ago!
Remedy: Face it! There may not be one here.
Legitimate mental illness is no laughing matter. But your friends ‘crazy’ may just be the result of too much time alone with uncontrolled substances. If your friend is open to it, and wants to admit there is a problem, you can help get her/him into a rehab program.
And pray for the best.
The truth of the matter is, this article is meant as a joke. It is not intended to judge anyone or give psychological advice. But just because it’s meant to be funny doesn’t mean there is no truth in it. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the content, you might want to observe the “remedies” that follow and share.