Accio! New Harry Potter-ish Butterbeer M & Ms Coming Soon


*In a world where racist megalomaniacs can have a legitimate shot at the Oval Office, and where Olympic medalists vandalize gas stations and fabricate muggings to cover it up, I take pleasure in pausing every weekend to nurture and celebrate the kid in me — that part of me that’s optimistic, joyful, and appreciative of the little things.

This weekend, the “little things” are very little — but I’m told they’re pretty darn delicious! 

First, let me get the uninitiated up to speed:

Every fall, a “limited edition” flavor of M & Ms comes out, just in time for the holidays. They are only offered at M & M retail stores and Target.

Can we put our hands up for Target? I am here to tell you that past seasons’ Cordial Cherry, Pumpkin Spice, and Candy Apple M & Ms brought me closer to God.

I’m not a huge M & M fan…except for the Peanut Butter ones. I avoid them as much as I can since I’m also trying to avoid the cardiologist.

Oh, yeah…and the dark chocolate ones. I refer to them as the Michael P Coleman variety: a hard outer shell protecting an endless well of deep, dark, decadent chocolate.

And then there are the peanut ones that I sometimes add to my salad,  just to provide a little protein.  Gee, maybe I AM a huge M & M fan…

ANYWAY…yesterday, I almost lost it when I heard about this season’s flavor: Butterscotch. They will feature a tempting butterscotch candy coating which will give way to a luscious white chocolate filling.

According to TIME magazineand YES, TIME wrote about this so I can, too! — we’re in for a treat.  A representative of the brand said that the new candy combines “the scary good flavors of butterscotch and white chocolate for the perfect seasonal treat.”

Are you picking up what they’re putting down???  “PERFECT!”

As I scoured the M & M website for pre-order information, I learned that there’s a potential scandal afoot!  Evidently, those few who’ve already tasted the new Butterscotch M & Ms claim that they taste a lot like the Butterbeer being served at Universal Studios theme parks in California and Florida. You know Butterbeer — it’s Harry Potter’s favorite drink.


According to Delish, “These white chocolate treats are infused with an intense butterscotch flavor, making them taste remarkably like the Harry Potter favorite, Butterbeer.”


Only time — that’s “time,” not TIME — will tell!

According to the Huffington Post, it’s just a coincidence that the new M & Ms taste like Butterbeer.

Whatever. Is it ALSO a coincidence that “I am Lord Voldemort” is an anagram of “Tom Marvolo Riddle?” I THINK NOT!!!

Coincidence?? I think not!!!
Coincidence?? I think not!!!

At press time, calls to M & M / Mars, Hogwarts, and my therapist have not been returned.

The new Boo-terscotch M & Ms will be available soon at Targets nationwide.

And there’s no need to thank me. I just do what I do!


Intrepid reporter (he likes that term because that’s what Clark Kent was called) and freelancer Michael P Coleman wrote this investigative report.  Follow him on Twitter.

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