Free Hamburgers To Anyone Who Changes Their Last Name To “Burger”


*I changed my name once, when I got married the first time. My wife and I both went with a hyphenated last name.  I was WAY ahead of my time, having done it in the mid-80s.  I swore at my divorce hearing and again on my grandmother’s grave I would never change my name again.

Actually, I think the promise I made to Big Mama was to never MARRY again.  But I digress…

Now, my addiction to hamburgers is causing me to rethink that “no name change” thing.  Since I’ve already reneged on my promise to Big Mama, what the hell?

Mr. Burger, an Australian fast food chain, is offering free burgers for life to anyone who changes their last name to “Burger.” Just send in your proof of name change form by 11:59pm on July 31 and the burgers are yours until the end of [your] time…which may come quicker than you think if you start eating hamburgers every day.

Mr Burger will also refund the name change fee to anyone who actually goes through with it.  However, anyone whose surname is already “Burger” is barred from entering — although a few vouchers are on the [dinner] table for those Burgers who reach out to the chain, as they’d “love to reward your awesome name…”


“Last week was a pretty heavy —

get it?  HEAVY???

— week in news, between Brexit, the election and the crazy weather,” said the chain’s marketing manager Maleik Edwards. “We thought this was a great way of brightening people’s day.”

It absolutely is, Maleik.  It’s also a great way of expanding people’s waistlines.

“It’s a bit interesting and fun, and it’s about celebrating the ridiculous things in life,” Edwards added.

This is the only “Burger” I’ve ever known…


Wait!  That was BurgerMEISTER…UGH I cried when he set those toys on fire AND when he locked Santa Claus up!  Thank GOD for magic feed corn.

I think there was a character on Sex & The City named “Burger”…


But “Michael P Burger?”  MPB?  It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.  As tempting as those hamburgers look, I think I’ll pass.  I’ll also, now, break for lunch.  Talk to you next week!


This blog was written by freelancer Michael P Coleman, who hasn’t had a fast food hamburger since December 31, 2014.  However, he still dreams about them daily.  Follow him on Twitter.  And let us know in the “Comments” section if you know of another “Burger.”  

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