*UC Berkeley has designed a new vibrator to help women learn more about their sexual preferences. It’s called Lioness, and it’s a connected vibrator that measures your arousal levels and orgasms, supposedly offering the ability to learn about yourself and ultimately have better sexual experiences.
Shonda Rhimes might say it’s kind of like a FitBit for your vajayjay.
And lest you wonder, YES there is an app for that!
This 21st century vibrator tracks things like vaginal contractions, temperature, and movement. Through those data points, Lioness allegedly can determine what you like, and even offer suggestions on what you may like to try in the future.
I never had a problem determining what a woman liked. Her toe curls and screams, and the scratches across my back, always told the whole story. But I digress.
According to the company’s website, this newfangled vibrator is able to collect data from up to 20 “sessions”. (Read whatever you want to into “sessions.”) After you’ve downloaded the app to your phone, Lioness will sync data from your “sessions” and share its findings. You’ll get alerts when your battery is running low.
That’s good. I’d think a fading vibrator battery would be a no-no.
Within the app, you’ll be able to adjust Lioness’ vibration strength.
Your phone can control your vibrator? Now THAT’s a smart phone!
There’s even a place in the app to chat with others and ask questions.
I can see it now: vaginas nationwide…hell, WORLDWIDE…chatting and sharing stories. I think the app should be called “SnatchChat.”
I’m told Lioness looks and functions like your average vibrator. I’d have to take the designer’s word for it, as I’ve never seen nor used a vibrator, nor have I…had a “session” with anyone who has. My partners never needed one.
For the ladies who need it, Lioness is available now for preorder for $199. The company plans to ship its first units in August. Until then, you’ll have to continue relying on the tried and true toe curls to determine if you’ve had a good time.
This article was written by freelancer Michael P Coleman, who is designing a mobile phone / vibrator combo. It’ll be his version of an iPhone 7. Do the math — and connect with him on Twitter: @ColemanMichaelP.