*Just like when you go to your favorite porn site (don’t judge me), let’s clear the kids out of the room and cut right to the chase: there is NOTHING more uncomfortable for the bruthas than an itchy, sweaty sack.
So for our collective relief, I present to you: Nadkins, “male jewels refresher towelettes.”
According to the company’s website, “a lot of thought and care went into the creation of Nadkins.”
I would hope so.
“After all,” the site continues, “this isn’t designed for any old part of the body.”
No shit. Kunta Kinte even opted to have a foot cut off to save his balls. As much as I love my feet (I said don’t judge me!), I’d have been hobbled, too.
According to the site, “each individually wrapped towelette is 100% Natural and 100% Non-Toxic.”
That’s important to me. Unnatural, poisoned testicles are not something I’d want in my future.
The site continues: “Key ingredients like Aloe Vera, Allantoin, and Vitamin E gently cleanse and hydrate sensitive skin, while pleasantly soothing and comforting, leaving you with a refreshing tingly feeling that’s something to behold. Trust us…you won’t be sorry.”
Now THAT blurb sold me. Sounds like an individually-wrapped, portable, ever-ready orgasm. Sign me up.
Too far, you say? Read more of the company’s website:
“When they’re happy, you’re happy.”
I don’t know about yours, but mine are happy when they’re clean…and cleaned out. Substitute “orgasm” for “happiness” in this next blurb and tell me the company’s not selling sex:
“Happiness. Is there anything more important?”
“Ultimately, it’s the one thing in this world every single one of us seeks.”
“Why else are we here, right?”
God only knows.
“Nadkins was created with this simple notion in mind. Because when you feel fresh and clean, you instantly become your confident best.”
Again — SIGN ME UP. I wonder whether the company sells Nadkins in bulk…or in custom sizes, ‘cause lil Mikey and the boys ain’t so little.
There IS one little thing that might prevent Nadkins from becoming a household staple: many men can and do accomplish the same feeling of cleanliness by regularly WASHING OUR JUNK. But if every man did that, writing this article wouldn’t have been so much fun!