Newspaper Claims Santa Claus Has Died, Quickly Apologizes

African American Santa Claus Langston Patterson (L), 77, greets four-month-old Raelyn Price as her grandmother Gloria Boissiere looks on, at Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza mall in Los Angeles, California, December 16, 2013. Patterson has worked as Santa since 2004 at the mall, which is one of the few in the country with a black Santa Claus. A New Mexico teacher who told an African American student that Santa Claus was white has been put on paid administrative leave, an official said on Monday. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson (UNITED STATES - Tags: SOCIETY)

*Those of us who love Christmas are taking a serious hit this season.

First, Starbucks strips their ubiquitous cups of snowflakes and snowmen. Then, Reese’s takes a veritable dump on their peanut butter trees.

Now, perhaps the ultimate blow: a newspaper publishes an erroneous obituary declaring Santa Claus is dead at the tender age of 226.

The crucifix-laden obit ran in Aftenposten, Norway’s second largest newspaper. According to it, “Father Christmas,” the same figure as the American Santa Claus, died December 3 in Nordkapp, located in northern Norway. Mr. Kringle’s funeral was to have been held on December 28, the obituary stated. The cause of death was unknown.


At the very least, that obituary was probably a wake up call for Kris to back up off of all of those cookies.  Diabetes affects elves, too.

After an immediate global outcry — which undoubtedly included Walmart, Amazon and other retailers in the chorus — the newspaper quickly and definitively apologized for the virtual lump of coal via a published statement.

“An error in Afatenposten’s internal procedures led to a fictional obituary of Santa Claus (being) published in our digital systems,” Aftenposten said.

“Aftenposten has strict guidelines for both the content and use of symbols in our obituaries. This ad is a violation of these and should never have been published…We will find out what has happened.”

I would hope so! Those of us who start listening to Christmas music immediately after Halloween almost had a heart attack when we heard this!

Representatives for Santa could not be reached for comment. They are busy, busy, busy!


But I heard Hermey’s cousin Trixie is a lawyer.  That family has credentials…


She’s probably preparing Santa’s lawsuit, claiming emotional distress, as we speak.

This article was written by tweeter and freelancer Michael P Coleman, by the glow of his multiple Christmas trees.

One thought on “Newspaper Claims Santa Claus Has Died, Quickly Apologizes”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *