*I’m having trouble writing this as my hands are shaking and my knees are weak. After a month on the…slither, Elvis the King Cobra was found, hissing under a clothes dryer in a garage.
Back on September 1, a guy who keeps exotic pets and has a history of losing them lost track of a eight to 10 foot long poisonous king cobra. Mike Kennedy and his serpentine companion live in Orlando, Florida.
Florida. What the hell is going on with my peeps in Florida??
Folks on social media named the snake “Elvis”. Get it? The King.
“It’s funny he has a name now,” Kennedy told Bay News 9. “We never named him, but the public has.”
I don’t find anything “funny” about a huge poisonous king cobra on the loose, no matter what his name is!
While I’d have been all shook up, animal control experts went on a snake hunt for Elvis. Turns out he’d travelled just a few 100 feet from home, and curled up under neighbor Cynthia Mullvain’s clothes dryer in her garage. Over a month after Elvis went missing, Mullvain heard something hissing behind the dryer, and thought she might have cause for concern. So she did what any good neighbor would do.
Pass out? No.
Get water baptized and wait for the Holy Ghost? No.
Mullvain called animal control. It’s good to know that that’s what you’re supposed to do when you find an eight to 10 foot long king cobra in your garage, hissing at you. She said she never actually saw the snake when it was captured — she was probably hiding deep in the bowels of her home — but those who did told the Orlando Sentinel quite the tail.
Three animal control officers showed up at Mullvain’s home, and Elvis actually escaped their grasp for a moment, extending his body as tall as officer Jenifer Porter — 5 feet 6 inches.
“I was pretty much looking him in the eye,” Porter said, adding that he was about two feet away which was “definitely within striking distance.”
Porter then back away — I GUESS SHE DID! — as another officer stepped on Elvis’ tail, and the third officer grabbed the snake’s head with snake tongs. The box that usually holds snakes — you know, the standard-issue snake-holding box — was too small for Elvis, so the officers put him in a rat cage.
Mullvain said Monday that she’s always had a soft spot for animals like eight to 10 foot long poisonous king cobras who can stand upright like humans. As such, she reached out to Kennedy and his wife just to make sure Elvis was ok.
“It’s good to see he’s good and healthy, getting better,” Mullvain said. Kennedy concurs, saying he’s glad Elvis is alive and getting better, and that Mullvain had compassion for him rather than trying to kill him.
“Obviously by looking at him, he did not do well,” Kennedy said. “He didn’t eat, he’s dehydrated — he’s a flipping mess.”
HE’s a mess?!?!? I’d have pissed my pants!
“In fact, he wouldn’t have survived much longer,” Kennedy added.
Although the stress for Elvis is over now — poor thing! — Kennedy has been cited for several violations in the past, in addition to a new citation for not reporting Elvis’ escape sooner. The Florida Wildlife Control want to revoke Kennedy’s permits for the seven (!) venomous snakes he has on his property.
SOMEBODY OUGHT TO REVOKE THE PERMITS AND WHOOP HIS ASS!
Kennedy has 21 days to file an appeal on the permit revocation. He says he’s already started the process of doing so.
“The probability of [Elvis] hurting someone was very slim,” Kennedy said. “Of course, that potential is always there, so it’s a huge fear, and the fact that he’s back now and nobody was hurt — and he wasn’t hurt — is the best-case scenario. We’re thoroughly relieved, and I know everyone can breathe a sigh of relief now.”
Not quite everyone. I live 2,395 miles from Elvis and I’m stress eating as I type this, having gone through half a package of raspberry newtons in minutes. And I’m sure Kennedy’s next-door neighbors aren’t happy to read that he has seven poisonous snakes in his house!
Just in case you’re curious, Kennedy and his menagerie live at 4858 N Apopka Vineland Road in Orlando, Florida. Drop him a congratulations card — Elvis is back in the building!