*OK, I’ll be the first to admit that having a crush makes you do some, well, pretty goofy things. You find yourself spending an unusually long time looking for the right lipstick to wear with that blouse; you drive by her house just to see if her light is on; you forget you had a report due this morning because you were so busy thinking about fine-ass HIM!!! But if you’re trying to impress a woman, one thing you don’t do is EJACULATE IN HER COFFEE, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!
Yet officials in Minnesota say this is what one jackass did. He said he masturbated in his co-worker’s coffee last year because he was attracted to her (no, it doesn’t make sense)and has now pleaded guilty to charges related to the incident.
Obviously, the coffee wasn’t hot…enough.
The victim called police in Ramsey County, Minn. after suspecting that Robert John Lind, 34, had been ejaculating into her coffee:
She told police that she saw Lind standing at her desk with his back turned from her. Lind allegedly had both of his hands in front of him near his genitals.
According to the original complaint, when Lind noticed the woman he looked at her with a ‘deer in headlights expression’ and quickly went into another room.
The woman told police she inspected her desk and noticed a strong odor that resembled urine, but was a bit different and strange.
She said her coffee smelled similar and noted that she had an ongoing issue with the coffee tasting foul.
According to CBS Minnesota, Lind was originally charged with two counts of fifth-degree sexual conduct, but those charges were dropped in November because there “NO CURRENT SEX LAW TO COVER THIS TYPE OF INCIDENT.”
However CBS Minnesota reports that Lind pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor indecent exposure charge on Thursday. He’ll be sentenced in May. See the disturbing video directly below.