*There’s a lot of single African American women out there, right? That’s a rhetorical question. We already know the answer. So when someone who has been married for a decade, has nurtured amazing children, is recognized as a highly educated professor and successful entrepreneur, and on top of all that, held the title that showed her as representative for an entire country, you’d at least listen when she says this is how you know you’re not marriage material, right?
Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses, a lifestyle expert and founder of HealthyBlackWoman.com created this (bolded) list to show women how to build and maintain healthy relationships. It’s food for thought.
Are you hungry?
1. When you tell a man you are definitely not going to get married, you do realize he’s listening right?
Why do we do this? Is it some kind of defense mechanism or reverse psychology we use hoping it will trigger him to ask us. Why would we give him that much credit? Maybe we should just say what we really mean and stop messing around.
2. Since you think you know everything already, you have no interest in self-improvement or growth.
Look, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m a black woman – and I get this. I’m also a good listener who realizes there is still a lot that I don’t know. And I hear so many of my sisters talking, but very few of us listening or allowing another perspective in. We seem to simultaneously be teacher and student to self. Where’s the growth if you don’t allow yourself to be taught? That comes from outside of you.
3. Everything is about you. You’re selfish.
You know one thing I notice a lot is being selfish is not only about not wanting to share tangible “things” – its also not wanting to share emotionally. Or not sharing information that will benefit others. This, of course, is not exclusive to women and I believe it may also be culturally-inspired.
4. Wow! This is a big one. Respect. Mhlauli-Moses says you appear to have none for others.
Just because you ‘think’ it, doesn’t mean it has to come out of your mouth. I have heard so much judgement and plain nasty remarks come out of the mouths of women, when they are not ‘editing’ themselves. Who would respect someone like that at the end of the day?
5. Oh god. This last one is HUGE. But You’ll have to visit Naturally Moi and iDateDaily.com to see it. Its worth it because its all in video format, so there’s music and more details from the creator of these tips.