Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, ‘I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are going to be divorcing. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can’t stand the sight of each other any more.’ I am telling you first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister.
When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: ‘No way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving.’
Julie phones her parents and tells them both ‘You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won’t do anything until I get over there. I’m calling Eddie, and we’ll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don’t take any action, please listen to me’, and hangs up.
The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. ‘Good news.’ Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way.’
*Spot the Big Turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy answered, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’
*Hanging the Turkey
Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
‘What are you doing?’ Simon inquired.
‘Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,’ his grandmother replied.
‘Wow, that’s cool.’ Simon remarked. ‘Are you going to hang it next to the deer?’
*The Turkey, the Parrot and the In-laws (Kindly sent in by Cody)
Martha had a parrot called Brutus, the only problem was that Brutus cussed something awful. Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, and so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear.
Just before her Mother-in-law was due Brutus cussed terribly, so Martha but him in the freezer for 2 minutes to literally cool off. Then she opened the door and took out the parrot along with the turkey.
‘And have you learned your lesson about cussing?’ Martha asked the parrot.
Brutus the parrot took one look at the dead turkey and said: ‘I sure have. But I have one question, “What did the turkey do?” ‘
In the week before Thanksgiving Mary-Jo asked her class of 9 year-olds to write a paragraph entitled: ‘What I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving Day’.
All Joey could write was: ‘I am thankful that I’m not a turkey at Thanksgiving.’
Grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’
Her youngest grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their Dad carrying that rifle?’
*The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for Thanksgiving
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
‘Please let me in, ‘says the man desperately. ‘I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.’
‘Okay, ‘says the butcher.’ Let me see what I have left.’ He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
‘That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?’ says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
‘Oh, no, ‘says the man, ‘That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!’
Thanks to Will and Guy’s Humour (Funny, Clean Jokes)!