Iyanla Vanzant Chastises Black Women for Being ‘Out of Order!’ (Video)

Iyanla Vanzant sets the record straight during a Madame Noire interview on why she believes black women are "out of order."
Iyanla Vanzant sets the record straight during a Madame Noire interview on why she believes black women are “out of order.”

Iyanla Vanzant’s show on OWN, “Iyanla Fix My Life” has set the once popular and spiritual guide back on center stage and in the center of a new, possible, controversy.

Vanzant is now chastising black women for their nearly consensual role in their own exploitation.  It’s probably a good guess that through her in-your-face counseling of the women of reality shows like Syleena Johnson and Evelyn Lozada, Iyanla and Oprah’s special on back-biting and/or gossiping women, and an episode of her show where she heals the relationship between black women that attempted to run a website together that she got fed up!

She was interviewed by Madame Noire about a former interview with Essence where she mentioned that black women were out of order.  She clarified her statement saying:

“The things that really disturb me about how out of order we are, are the facts that we don’t have clear boundaries and we let anyone do anything in our life. Anyone, anybody, can do anything in our life. I’m not talking children, I’m talking the grown, big panty wearing women. Ok?!  That we give men, let me just say people, who are not honorable, respectful, sensitive to who we are as people, we give them reign in our lives in ways that make us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually sick.  We’re out of order, let me just go ‘head and say it, let me just ask forgiveness now, there’s no reason for us to continue to have children with men who don’t honor us and don’t take care of their children.”

Whoa! Now that’s the truth…Ruth! And to bring her point home about turning on your fellow black woman, she used her own life as an example of why she could not possibly dishonor her sisters in the struggle because they are the individuals who “sat with her” through all of it.

“It would be an affront to my spirit to dishonor another woman by betraying her confidence, sleeping with her man, not honoring my word to her, talking about her, I couldn’t do it.  Because when my daughter died, it was other women who sat with me.  When my husband left, it was other women who sat with me, when I turned over the keys of my house over to the bank rather than let it go in foreclosure, it was other women who rode around with me in my car to find me someplace to live.”

Her list goes on, but you get the point.  It’s obvious that she has love behind her words when it comes to black women’s betrayal of one another because she also gives a brief history lesson about the disadvantage that black women come from in America’s history.  Check out her interview below. Do you agree with her?  If so, why?  How does her words resonate with you.  Are you a perpetrator of the menacing actions toward other black women or a real black woman on the side of healing?

-J.C. Brooks



15 thoughts on “Iyanla Vanzant Chastises Black Women for Being ‘Out of Order!’ (Video)”

  1. The truth is some of us are “out of order”. The facts are most of us have no idea of what order looks like–didn’t grow up with it and never exposed to it; therefore, it is foreign to us. I have a teenaged daughter that I am teaching about BOUNDARIES now–a lesson I should have had at her age. Fortunately, because there’s breath in my body, it’s not too late.

  2. As long as our young ladies have unreality stars, singers and such getting filthy rich from being “out of order” as role models, all the chastising in the world is not going to help.

  3. @Kay: Sorry that’s not gonna hold water as an excuse for the state of women. I’m a 70s baby & Janet Jackson, Madonna, Vanessa Williams, Salt N Pepa, etc did not raise me. My mother, my sister, my aunts, my cousins, my grandmother…those are the women who I took my Qs from, that’s who raised me. I understand not everyone has family but understand it takes a village to raise a being, and I make sure I try to touch a life with some knowledge… to blame entertainment is too lazy. I would respect Iyanla if she actually helped people rather than made entertainment from their bad life decisions.

  4. Historically, our people won’t go for “help”, but we will spend excessively on entertainment. If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed.

  5. Thank you Iyanlan, thank you for putting it out there. And while I am surrounded by women of all walks, races, etc i have been seeing it for years. And when me a little nobody speaks on it I have gotten serious backlash. Because I have refuse to have women in my personal circle who will allow this, allow there daughters to continue the cycle I find myself with not a lot of female companions. By all accounts if I only looked at statistics I should be married with a family, but because so many of us have lowered the standards black men do not want me. They want the women who allow this behavior, why deal with a woman who have standards and require you to be your best, when they can go across the street and only have to be 50% of the man you were built to be.

  6. I don’t even know where to begin. But what I do know is that this is gonna be a long post. I’m 50 and I noticed how black women were out of control in the 70’s. I just wasn’t old enough to articulate it nor was I grown enough to be considered an adult. At some point, I’d say around my 20’s, I recognized the hugh difference between black WOMEN and black females. Black women are very, very rare indeed. It depends on where you live and who you associate with. In many black neighborhoods/ghettoes, the out of control/order black female is everybody’s enemy, including her own. Worser still, all of her problems are self-inflicted yet she places the blame elsewhere. Black FEMALES are whores, involved in drugs/weapons, criminals, unfit mom’s, drug addicts, alcoholics, foul-mouthed, and trifling. They are the major problem in black neighborhoods across the USA. For as long as I can remember, black females have caused nothing but destruction, hostility, and bitterness to anyone who crosses her path. Including her own family. Till this very day, she disrespects and demands respect. She barely gives and wants everything. She’ll gossip and spreads lies but when its done to her, she becomes angry. Black females can dish it but can’t take it. She feels as though she’s so entitled that whatever she wants/demands should be handed to her on a silver platter.

    A book was written about black women by a black woman back in the late eighties, early nineties. When black women read this book, they lost their minds. The author told it like it T-I-IS. Her portrayal of black women was very accurate. As I read this book, I could’ve sworn she was describing my childhood and my environment. She was meant with so much criticism b/c she was telling the truth. Liars and cheaters don’t take too kindly having their bullshit exposed. Even though there were/still are people who agree with her, the ones who became angry were guilty of what she wrote about in her book.

  7. That book revealed so many of the secrets that I knew about.

    I was born in the 60’s. I’m a product of an unfit black female who got pregnant by her husband’s cousin. That makes her a whore. Till this day, she blames ME for her marriage not working out. She tells people (behind my back, of course) that I was mistake and if I hadn’t been born she’d still be married. Thats just like a hateful, cheating whore to place the blame on a child. Its what non-adult grown ups do when they gotta smooth over a guilty conscious. Everyone knows that a fetus/child didn’t have sex to be born. Two other people had sex to bring a child in this world. But ghetto black females never, ever admit to HER wrong doings. She makes it very difficult to get along with her. Even decent black men are appalled by ghetto black females. Actually, many single ghetto females don’t really like men. She may have children with however many men but thats all she needed from him was his sperm. Ghetto females see themselves as a playa just like males. She’d rather have MANY MEN than one. A lot of these females are now older who still refuse to act their age. They wanna act/behave/think like 20- 30-year olds. In fact, ghetto females are just as much responsible for the illegal drug activity flowing thru and in the black community. For years, they’ve allowed thei bf’s, son’s, uncle’s, and countless others store, cook, and bag of shipments of drugs in their homes. Including the projects or any other low-income housing complex. Since she’s a money-hungry female who’s hungry for money, the ghetto black female will do anything for a few bucks. She doesn’t care that its illegal. Then when her home gets raided and she and her family gets evicted, she cries “racism” and “set up and “corrupt cops.” Speaking of the police, a D.A.R.E officer was recently terminated for misconduct unbecoming of the police force. He was busted with a prostitute. But here in this town about 20-30 years ago,

  8. ghetto black females were laying up with police officers, preachers, and any other man who paid them money. They didn’t think anything was wrong about that. As far as her sleeping with cops, it was more like a “protection” thing. As long as she gave the officer some tail, he wouldn’t tell on her son or other relative who was selling drugs. When I was a teenager, I saw a cop walk in a house where they were bagging up weed. The girl who lived there was my classmate and we played double-dutch. Anyway we go in the house to get some water and the cop walked thru the kitchen, pass my friends brothers, and straight upstairs where her mom was waiting for him. I thought the cop was her mom’s bf, but he wasn’t. I find out later that he was married with children. He and his family lived on the outskirts of this town in a lovely home. I swear from that day on is when I really noticed how many females in the projects was messing around with him and other officers. Yet black females will quickly holler “racist cops” or “police brutality.” I question them everytime I hear them say it. And both of those cops I described are black. So there can’t be anything racist about them. Or nothing brutal, unless it was the way she wanted the sex.

    Black females are their own worst enemy and the enemy to everyone else. She’ll often wonder why or complain about how black women want nothing to do with them. I’ll tell them its b/c you kind will skin and grin in a woman’s face and be sleeping with her man/husband. Its b/c you’re the type who’ll stab any woman in the back ’cause its Wednesday and you have nothing better to do. I’ll also tell her that you’ll sit at the kitchen table and eat the plate of food that a decent black woman offered you then walk out of her home only to talk about her in a disrespectful way.

    Who in their right mind wants to hang out and conversate with a good-for-nothing, backstabbing whore?

  9. Unfortunately, for some of my sisters, therapy is not an option–” that’s for crazy people”. That’s why I fully applaud OWN for its efforts. Since Muhammad won’t go to the Mountain…..

  10. Therapy? Even a therapist will require a patient to admit they are wrong and made (a) mistake(s). Out of order females feel as though she’s not only knows everything but she’s also right about everything. In reality, she knows everything she knows that doesn’t mean everything that everybody knows. And she’s only right about certain things. Black females say that if you want/need something like money, food, etc then you better open legs. Black WOMEN don’t feel that way b/c women work, earn a paycheck, and support themselves and their family. These out of order females got it all wrong.

  11. Now, a righteous black man needs to step up like Iyanla and admit that there are black males who have been out of control/order since the 60’s.

    When I say righteous, I’m not necessarily mean a religious black male b/c we read about and view the corruption in black churches. The so-called holy commit crimes just as much and heinous as street thugs.

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