Dishin’ Dirt on Sony’s Top Ten Celebrity Resolutions…

Hey Y’all!

I could not just sit back and NOT give my opinion of what each of my favorite celebrities should vow as their New Year’s resolutions.  Here is the dirt..

Common

10. Common, vow to never work with the Neptunes again.  That “Universal Mind Control” is a UNIVERSAL mess!!  Nuff said…

Lil' Wayne

9. Lil’ Wayne…AKA…Weezy, I have a list fo’ yo’ azz.  Bathe, brush, wash, pull your pants up, and gargle.  Vow to increase your vocabulary this year because truth be told…Dr. Seuss needs to sue yo’azz.  If ain’t nobody told you, please know that you are a Cat in the Hat Rapper.

House of Payne

8. Tyler Perry, please vow to stick with movies and plays.  Like I told Kanye, we all have limitations… and yours is sitcoms.  Y’all know the House of Payne is straight BOOTIE!

Jay Z and Beyonce

7. Jay Z-either piss Beyonce off or make her feel REAL good because that “Sasha Fierce” CD is straight GAR-BAGE.  Give her something to write about…and I do mean HER!  Lately, she ain’t been doing much writing at all.  Okay, B you done made the list twice.  Fire yo’ mama and hire a real STYLIST.  The Barbie Holiday Collection dresses are not cuttin’ it.  They be lookin’ REAL “south of the border like.”  Let Jay Z dress you and call it a day.  Nuff said…

Keyshia Cole and Frankie

6. Keyshia Cole vow to get yo’ mamas (both Yvonne and Frankie) out yo’ pockets and into charm school before yo’ azz is broke!!  Before you do it, get them both makeovers.  Yvonne needs to know that she ain’t got to wear errry piece of jewelry she owns at one time and ditto that with Frankie and her multicolored hair.  Nuff said…

Kanye West

5. Kanye-I know you was raised with confidence and swagger and errrything but we all have limitations and yours is singin’.  Don’t ever try that shizzzzznit again.

Mr. and Mrs. D. Wade

4. D. Wade, can you vow to stick with your wife this year?!  We know she ain’t a stunna BUT she did give birth to yo’ children AND she was there when yo’ azz was BROKE!

D. Wade and Gabrielle Union

3. Gabrielle Union, can you please vow not to be the industry “chick”…AKA…hoe this year?  Kickin’ it with married dudes is not cool.  Nuff said…

Janet and Jermaine

2. Janet Jackson please know that your biological clock is on its last tick.  Either have the troll’s baby or leave it alone!!  Nuff said…

…and the number one spot goes to…drum roll please…

Diddy and Nelly

Diddy and Cassie

1. Puff Daddy, please know that being the OLDEST person in the club is soooooo NOT SEXY.  It is okay to stay home one weekend and chill with the kids.  Join the PTA or something.  Take that, take that, take that…

Holla back at your girl and let me know your thoughts!

Peace,

Sony

15 thoughts on “Dishin’ Dirt on Sony’s Top Ten Celebrity Resolutions…”

  1. Sony, you be Ka-razy! I’m lovin’ what you’re doing. big ups to EUR for letting you do your thing.

  2. YOU NEED TO GET SOME SWAGGER BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T SAY NOTHING POSITIVE..HATERZ MUST HATE..TAKE THAT..
    “Sasha Fierce” is the best cd she’s made thus far..you have to have class to appreciate good music!

  3. WHAT WHAT…You also have to have class to KNOW good music when you hear it ! Sony is dead on the money “Sasha Fierce” is garbage!

    I know Beyonce Stans love that album and I can understand it, becuz I love who I love too. But, when a 27 year old woman insists on making music that has five-year olds saying “sounds just like our nursery rhymes mommie” and their other little friends are agreeing…then it’s obvious it’s time for that artist and her music to grow up…to evolve. Can’t front on the truth.

  4. WHAT WHAT…the word CLASS and anything related to Beyonce should not be in the same sentence. When I think of her and her music, CLASS is not the first thing that comes to mind. Sony…do ya thang! Take dat!

  5. The Sasha Fierce CD is garbage and I dont know what Common was thinking but he should have let Kanye produce his music. The Neptunes have their own sound and it is not what Common should be singing.

    Sony once again you have hit it right on the money .

    Keep it up!!!

  6. Your New Year’s resolutions for the stars was Dead On!! You are hilarious!! May I add, that Janet’s little “Troll” is looking like a minature Issac Hayes as Black Moses witht that scraggaly face hair, bald head and Quincy Jones 1980’s style sunglasses!!

  7. What, What obviosly knows nothing about good music. Sasha Fierce sucks!! You don’t have to be a hater to dislike Beyonce’s music. The girl is beautiful but her music clearly doesn’t match her beauty. It’s GOD AWFUL!!

  8. Ya killing me here, but I like Common’s Universal Mind control at least the song I heard, it’s kinda house-clubby-rave-trance but then again I admire anyone willing to step out even if they fall a little. As for Weezy thank you! the man looks like he stinks, in fact I think I can smell him now through my computer screen.

  9. This was so funny. I love it. Beyonce’ needs to stop and regroup. Janet Jackson…fade away with class.

  10. EURWEB you said everything I was thinking.

    I love it all.

    Puffy is the oldest mf up da club….SAD! Real sad.

  11. yo!! lil wayne is fine!! NO MATTA WAT YALL B SAYN!!

    u was str8 up rite bout puffy. he needa sit his azs at home wid tha fam n relize he OLD has hell!!!!!

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